drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
