Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
