I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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