Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
