She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
