Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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