I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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