she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
