Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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