Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
