Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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