so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize