I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
