it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
