If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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