smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
