Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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