i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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