her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
