Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
