if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
