She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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