Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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