Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
