so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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