Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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