oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Bring me that man meat
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
