i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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