so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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