i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
