Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
