We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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