Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
