You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
