Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
