so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
