ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
