I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
