Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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