I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
tell your sister to shave her snatch
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
