It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
