you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
