I think I died a long time ago.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
