Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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