if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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