he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.