hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
