Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
