I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
