we have pet lesbian snakes
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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