He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
