I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
