he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
