Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
