mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
did i walk over a car last night?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
