i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
