my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
