i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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