You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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