If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
