I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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