I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
