you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
