No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
