He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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