so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
