11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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