I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
