The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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