im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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