she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i dont even know how to be here
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
