Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Its about making memories worth repressing
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Found your dick twin last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
