WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
