her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
