i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
