My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
