its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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