I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I wear drunk well.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
