If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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