can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
