He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
