So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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