I bet he comes in French.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You took a bar mat shot.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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